As a society, we hear so many words in our day to day lives. We hear names for peoples ailments thrown around every day, so much so that they become common place, part of our daily lexicon. When we hear about something enough, we feel that we can understand or empathise with the ailment, when in reality this could not be further from the truth. Any attempt at empathising is in and of itself a belittling both the ailment and the person suffering from it.
Addiction is the one I can speak of from personal experience. People have the impression that this is as simple as 'wanting something really bad' and the course of treatment is simply to stop it using, as if it were that easy. People think that they totally understand, and that only 'weak minded' people can succum to such a position. I wish I could show them, for just one minute, what its like living this life.
I wish I could show them the curse of never being able to trust your own mind, and having to live with the knowledge that it is looking for that next dopamine rush, and will do anything to get it. I wish they could understand the constant fear of consequences of their actions, of juggling money around from this person to that person, hoping to buy enough time whereupon a beating is not doled out in lieu of immediate payment. I wish I could show them the way that you convince yourself that lying to your friends and family is the right way to go about doing things, or in some cases the only 'logical' option. I wish that they could feel the hunger of going without food for days, and having to remind yourself to do everyday tasks.
Most of all though, I wish I could show them the feel when a fresh load of high quality amphetamine is pushed through your veins, headed straight for your brain. I wish that I could make them feel, just once, that 'taste' in the back of your throat, and the heat that seems to come out of your heart. I wish that they understood how the rush will overcome you, causing you to run your hands through your hair, because its the first time in hours, (days, weeks...), that these feelings have washed over you.
Most of all though? I wish I could make them understand how in this perfect moment, everything melts away. Every worry, every harassing phone call from someone wanting payment, every lie you've told up until this point ceases to mean everything.
In that one perfect, beautiful moment, you are truly free.
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