Extended leave due to my life imploding.

Well, I haven't updated this fucker in a while. Well, actually that is a lie, I did update it a couple of times, but they were drunken and whiny and I deleted them after I (rather painfully) forced myself to read through them again. So, "what's been going on with you and why the whiny semi-emo title?" I hear no one asking. A few things.

A few months back I lost my shit. There really is no other way to describe it. It was an amphetamine induced series of idiotic moves, and something that I shall NEVER allow myself to repeat.

And it was also the best thing that has ever happened to me. It got me out of coasting through life in a menial but low paying job, and forced me to find something better. As such I now have a menial but potentially high paying job. That is for the better.

I would also like to take the opportunity to point out that I have not stopped using amphetamines. I did for a month or so, and have gone back to it. I never once claimed that I would permanently stop using them, and I doubt that I will. But I am not going to let myself jeopardise my job and income due to me being a drug fiend. It wont happen.

I have come out of the last few months more mature and ready to face the world. A lot of my immature perspectives and ideals have died along with the part of me that is ready and willing to accept me being a second rate person. It just took me some time to realise that I don't have to be one.

I am once again getting on with my family, who (well, at least some of them) showed never ending support in helping me get my life back on track and combat my drug problem. You sometimes take for granted the people who love you most, and that is rather sad.

Friend wise my relationship people that I fucked up with is getting back on track, which is going a long way to improving my happiness. My love life is still fucked, and I am not sure how to broach the subject of talking about a relationship with the people that I am interested in. But that is something I have a long time to work on, and is not an immediate need (just an immediate want).

Musically I have been a bit slack, I haven't really grabbed any new tunes or practised my mixing over the last few months, but I am going to start getting that back on track very soon (namely when my internet is no longer shaped).

This is me, moving on with my life, improving it and changing it, in a direction that will hopefully be beneficial for me.

But there is one question, one question that really needs to be asked, that is possibly the most important part of this whole self absorbed post. That question is: Did you miss me fuckbags?

-Switch-

Exodus.

Journal Entry for 26/04/2016

The military issued a state of emergency today. I gathered what I could and started to head out, but the roadblocks were already in place. It was wishful thinking trying to slip by unnoticed, blend in with a crowd, but it was worth a shot.

I returned to tell the rest of the resistance the bad news.

"We are taking the tunnels. Its the only way I can see. No doubt they will be monitored, and it will one hell of a fight, but if we move fast enough we might just make it too the other side of the river. The plans I am in possession of are old, but by what I can gather we have a 1 mile run. The maps have been uploaded to your HUD's. Any better ideas?"

I got the silence that I was expecting. I had gained a certain amount of respect after voicing my objections to the last mission that ended in us loosing a leader and half our numbers. But it was the blind leading the blind, he couldn't see past his own raging ego to lead properly, and cared little for a human life. Apparently I was the only one to see that. I hate to say it, but he is better off dead.

"We move at 3.35am. The next shift change is at 3.40am, I am hoping to get at least half way before being interrupted. But that's us hoping, be SURE to expect the worst. Everyone carry as much ammo as you can. Whilst we are down their loot what you can, but don't lag behind the group, we WILL leave you behind."

"God help us everyone."

By 3.30am people were so nervous they couldn't even load their rifle without dropping half the clip on the ground.

I don't like the army I've amassed, but all the best civilians are now working for the mercenary outfits, thank fuck for a privatised army hey?

At least if we die today we can relish in the fact that the undoing of the world was not aided by ourselves.

That's something, right?

Scattered sounds of a life lost.

Journal Entry for 4/09/2012

It arrived yesterday, in a small grey envelope. I had a certain apprehension about opening it, but for a reason that I can't be sure of.

Inside I found a card, not unlike a birthday card, a 9mm shell casing and a damaged USB drive. The front of the card had a disturbing picture of a modern city on fire, along with its patrons. The inside of the card was covered in what appeared to be blood, with only one word appearing to be written, all in capital letters; RESIST.

I took the USB drive to my laptop, and spent hours piecing together the disjointed fragments of the file. I ended up with a damaged MP3, with static and skipping erasing most of the recording. It was a panicked man, the only discernible words being:

"Future....in your time......Resistance crushed by......weapons beyond your wildest.....can't understand because your mind.....The only warning........Just too much.......unbearable pain......shall live on......hearts and minds.......no honour, no......fucking psychopaths......pills, chemicals in the water.......find it, or it will.......god help us all."

I am onto something, I just don't know what.