I am now "that" kid.

Last night was horrible. I should have caught the last train home. But i didn't. Shit happens. Instead i had to deal with my self for hours, whereupon i fell into an inescapable hole of self reflection.

I try to love everyone, and although at times people make it fucking hard, i do my best. But i don't have a place in this world. The fact that I don't fit in with the societal misfits is a testament to that. But fuck me I've tried.

I don't know what it is about me, maybe i ask to many stupid questions. Maybe my demeanor is not likable. Maybe I am just a twat. I don't know. The attention of a few people whom i desperately crave is unattainable, as is their acceptance. I shouldn't crave this, yet I do as i need something to validate my existence. I never get calls just for a chat anymore, EVERY call i receive has something to do with organizing drugs. When the fuck did this happen?

My life would be so much simpler if i sold out to a 'scene.' But fuck you Perth for expecting me to sell out my values for something a whole lot faker. I am who i am, and i am not going to change.

But i know even that's a lie, because if that's what i had to do to become great friends with said people, i would do it. Just because I am so fucking lonely.

And i don't know what the worst part is, the fact that no one knows, or the fact that if they did, its an extreme possibility that they wouldn't care.